How to Get Out: A Story of "The Stalemate"

by Tyler Chacon

Chess is a great game. It is the ultimate strategy game where luck is virtually nonexistent. This is because in chess the player controls all the variables, unlike in games such as Monopoly or Risk. The latter games take a lot of skill, but there is still so much that is dependent on the roll of the dice. Or even worse there are games such as the card game “War” or Phase 10 that have absolutely no skill about them whatsoever and you might as well sit around with a group of people and draw numbers out of a hat and see who gets the highest one.  Because of the nature of chess, the superior chess player will win a match against a less skilled opponent almost every time, unlike in the aforementioned games where it would be possible for a 5-year-old to beat Albert Einstein.


 In chess the object of the game is take your opponent’s king. There is sometimes a point at the end of the game where your king is the only piece you have available to move and yet there is not a single space left that you can move it to without it being taken on the next turn, yet the space where the king currently resides is safe, it is unthreatened and could survive if it were allowed to remain. If this happens it is called a stalemate. Neither player wins; it is a tie. Even if the other player has all his/her pieces remaining, it is a tie.

Tying is better than losing, it hurts less. Obviously winning is considerably more ideal than either option but tying is the next best situation. Often times in life I think people are more content with tying than they are going for the win, and potentially risking a loss. This can happen in what we are calling “the stalemate”.

I know this place well because I have been here. Our generation is encountering an interesting problem that is more magnified than it has ever been before: too many choices. Ever been to a restaurant that has a menu over 10 pages long and hundreds of choices? If you are anything like me, you read every one of those choices and weigh the pros and cons like you’re deciding the fate of the world. How good will this taste? What kind of quantity are we talking here? How many calories are in this? And the list goes on forever. With a few exceptions, show me a restaurant with too many options and I’ll show you one that lacks identity, specializes in nothing — is medium at everything and is going nowhere. That is why places that specialize (think: Chick-fil-A or Chipotle) have dominated the market — they do one thing and they do it well. This conundrum is known as the Paradox of Choice. The idea that too many choices creates an environment of anxiety that leads to regret. You could argue that this paradox could be used to explain why the global divorce rate of arranged marriages is around 4% where as we all know the American divorce rate is around 50%. Something to think about.

About a year ago I wasn’t sure what or who I wanted to be. I looked at my interests and passions and pondered how I could be successful and eventually support a family. I considered multiple avenues: ministry, coaching, sports psychology, finance, law, the list goes on. In all honesty it was quite overwhelming. After a while it was much easier to just not think about the future and focus on daily things. Somewhere in the middle of this frozen-like state I received some great advice: just go after one option wholeheartedly and see if it fits. Don’t just stare from a distance — every failure will bring you closer to what you are meant to do. Keep doing things that are moving you forward. I decided to take this advice, get up and start going for the win instead of settling for the tie.

First thing I had to do was come to grips with the nagging guilt of the ministry. I love God. I love his church and helping people. I worked for a big campus ministry. I am a talented public speaker and my father is in the ministry. The cards were there to go in the ministry but something about it didn’t feel right. I felt like I was on the path to ministry because it seemed that that was what I should be doing. In my mind it was somehow a greater good to be in ministry. As if I would have a better chance of going to heaven or God would be “more” proud of me if I decided to be paid by the church for my profession. It took a lot of spiritual people to convince me out of my performance-oriented thinking. It took a lot of prayer and faith to realize that God’s love is not based on performance and he would not want me to be in the ministry because of guilt. Certainly being godly has nothing to do with receiving a paycheck from the contribution plate.

After being set free from my own mind I began to pursue other things. I enrolled in a graduate-level sports psychology class (even though some people at UF told me I wasn’t allowed to — I found others who said I could). I read the book chapter by chapter, got to know the professor and explored what I could do with a master’s in sports psychology. Turns out I really loved the material but the only jobs in the field seemed to be more academic in nature and the applied side (which I was more interested in) was limited. So I scratched the idea.

Tyler & Tiffany Chacon

I thought about being a lawyer...until I realized it was too much technical reading, which would make me pull my hair out before what will inevitably be my premature balding. I talked to people about coaching — they assured me I would move too much and die early of stress.

Finally I got an opportunity to intern at my mom’s financial services company. One of the partners, Guillermo, interviewed me. During the interview, I thought, what would I have to say to not be accepted as an intern into a firm that has 3 partners and one of them is my mom? Man I’d really have to blow it. Guillermo proceeded to ask me crazy interview questions like “How many footballs are currently in the air in America?” Apparently he just wanted to hear my thought process. Either that or realized he could just mess with me and there wasn’t much I could do about it.

As the months passed I read multiple books on economics that were assigned to me. I was eating them up. Maybe I have a knack for this? Could business be the route for me? I am an organized, logical thinker that can convince people of most things — maybe this is it. By the end of the internship I felt a renewed sense of ambition. I wanted to go into business.

I knew that I needed a broader understanding of the nuances of business so I decided to get a master’s in business administration. I began studying for the GRE. I had to relearn things like geometry and algebra, which I had purposely put into a place in my brain where I put things that I don’t plan on ever seeing again. After studying for a month or so I took the test and applied to the University of Tampa.

As it turns out, I was able to get a great recommendation letter from my sports psychology professor and was accepted into the program. I have been in the program for a year now and I love it. My public speaking, a skill I learned from working in the ministry and leading many Bible discussions, has led to great success in presenting group projects.  It is challenging but exciting. Just recently, I was able to secure the highest-paying internship offered at my university.
I say these things in no way to puff myself up but rather to inspire those caught in the stalemate, paralyzed by too many decisions. Instead of staying still, move forward. God will use the missteps and failures and carry you to a place you never expected.

I agree with the idea of following your passions and dreams but I believe in it with this caveat: Follow the dreams and passions that you are actually good at. I have a passion for football. I have played it my whole life, I am better at it than most people, I know it well. That doesn’t change the fact that I’m 5’10, white and have smaller hands than my wife. I’m simply not good enough to be a D1 athlete or a professional of any sort. I accept this and, while I will always play for fun, I am not delusional enough to think I am going to play for the NFL. So how do you know if you’re “good enough” to pursue a passion? It’s quite simple — someone will pay you to do it. I’m all for people becoming artists and musicians but if no one is buying your work or listening to your CDs, pick something else. Maybe you’re not 6'5" and 250 lbs of shredded muscle -- that's OK, neither am I.

After many, many months of searching for a career path, I am getting my Masters of Business Administration with a specialization in entrepreneurship. I still do not know exactly what I will do when I graduate. But I do know that I am no longer afraid to fail.




Next: Resources for Getting Out of "The Stalemate"